Dating after Divorce is always difficult especially when my relationship ended after many years of what I thought were bliss, and I had to then after a period of time wanted to start dating again I looked around there was not a lot of information there for 40 something females.  This only adds to your woes when you think your too old no one wants you syndrome.

After the initial crying sessions, the what if I had done this differently, or if only I had seen the tell tale signs that the relationship was in dire trouble and at that time no help was available in books like books like Save my marriage today was not out then to help you.Dating after divorce meant I had to get it through my head that the relationship had been left to die through lack of communication and the same old boring routines. Many times after he left I gave myself the virtual slap for being lazy and not buying the lacy black number that was sure to win him back (right) saying to myself it was much too cold to get into that get up and pay those dollars when I would rather go to bed with the flannelet pj’s and bed socks on instead of playing the sex siren for the night.

I wanted this website to give both male and females help to guide you through the initial first steps when you feel like to go out and start mingling with the opposite sex stop making the same mistakes that I did so that when you start dating again you will have the tools

After mooching around for approximately 6 month period wallowing in self pity, eating all the chockies and ice cream in the fridge and watching for the umpteenth time sleepless in Seattle, titanic and the ultimate tear jerker ghosts I was complete void of any more tears. The girlfriends were a great support but I probably drove them crazy for those 6 months where I invited them around under the giese to have a chardonnay and a DVD night only to corner them with the same conversation of what did I do wrong!

Venturing out from the nest

The first time the girlfriends dragged me out to a few hot places where people meet on a Friday night after work, men in suits women in little black dresses pretending that they are interested in the conversation around them when I could see both sexes eyeing the other off.

The night got more like a shark pool as the grog kicked in and the laughter became high pitched. A few of the sharks (both men and women) seemed to be happy with their catch of the day and walked out together into the night, only to have others say she always picks up.

Now I was really worried not only did I feel totally out of my depth, I must have had desperate written across my forehead as no one came near me all night. That was ok though plenty of chat with the girls and probably one too many wines.

Next Friday came around much too quickly as we all arranged to meet at the same place to give it another try I went hoping things would be a lot different. I was not surprised to see the same people from the previous week there strutting their stuff and I even got a nod of acknowledgment from someone that remembered me from the week before.

While waiting at the bar for my drink a distinguished man made conversation with me and as time was passing quickly we talked about life in general and then he touched my heart by telling me about his wife and how she lost her battle with cancer. I thought any man that has loved that deeply and speaks so glowingly can’t be that bad or so I thought.

He told me that he would love to go to dinner during the week when he is back in town but this wouldn’t be for another few weeks as he business in another state. No problem there we exchanged phone details and he would call when he got back.  I had a birthday catch up with a friend at the same venue 3 nights later and surprisingly at the corner of the bar was the fellow who was suppose to be interstate.

When he caught my eye he came over to me and said he had something to tell me, I still wasn’t concerned plans change etc he then proceeded to say that he wasn’t totally honest with me and yes his wife died of cancer but what he didn’t say that was 6 years ago and since that time he had remarried and had 2 small children!

I made my way back to my friends and told them the story and my friend said is his name Chris and I said yes, and she remarked he has done the same story to one of my other friends a few weeks ago!  This was my first experience starting dating again and I had met my first player. A player either a men or women who are already in relationships who still go out purely just pick up people for the sake of the thrill and the promise of sex.

Next week the girls all reassured me the “in place” was a place called the Holly Grail which was an innocently enough name, when I entered the smoke filled noisy bar where the music was thumping and the people screamed at each other to be heard, the girls and I got up on the dance floor and I gave it my best moves the ones that had looked so cool (and thought hadn’t changed from 20 years ago) that I still thought were cool as we all danced in a circle and looked more like we were on a lesbians night out rather than looking for interesting sober males to talk or should say yell to.

The next insult to injury was when a young 20 something half tanked slurred to me it’s good to see people of your age trying to have a dance! That last remark kept me away from any serious dating for at least a few more months.

Lesson 1:   Your very vulnerable at this point as you wear your heart on your sleeve this can dull your senses.  Beware of the players the ones that are married who always seek new prey for thrill only.

With the Holly Grail in honesty go there or similar for a night out, chances are if you like me and hadn’t been out to a youngies type place in 20 years you will feel like a fish out of water, meet only other drunk people and definitely forget doing the dance moves of 20 years ago you will stand out like the proverable dogs balls!  The dating over 40 scene is oh so different.

Dating after Divorce – Internet Dating

I thought there must be another way to meet the opposite sex, then I thought arrh the internet, why didn’t I think of that you get to have a look at a photo, you read witty remarks on their profile and it is like going shopping, I will have that one he looks cute.

Now what do I do, panic sets in as I first stare at the blank page to enter my profile. How hard can this be I thought as I started to write and rewrite things about myself, then it flowed on and on as my wish list got longer and longer. At this point a friend came over and looked over the profile and shrieked you can’t put things like that down you sound like Attila the Hun, no one would live up to what you have written. With that she pushed me out of the way and wrote a little no fluff profile about me.

She got me to place the photo in that I had taken at Christmas and then easy peasy I was up on the site and waiting for a response.

Ping, I ran excitedly to open the email that came in, the first one who contacted had a nice face lovely eyes, awkwardly I responded to the email, after all it is a complete stranger you’re emailing to and I had been warned you don’t give too much away until you get to know them.

After several emails and calls I was getting curious about him and we arranged the inevitable coffee date. This seems pretty much what happens all the dating sites say you never invite them to your place and you never go to their home obviously until you know them better.

Waiting in the coffee shop I am looking around for the image I see on the internet, when an elderly gentleman says you must be Jenny. This was the guy on the internet! Only thing is he forgot to tell me the photo on the net was taken 8 years ago and since then life has been cruel to him as he was now 20 kilos heavier and bald and had no resemblance of the person on the net at all.

Lesson 2 always ask for a recent photo. I must say you feel a little ripped off when the photo doesn’t match the person at all. Coffee seemed to last forever, with small talk flowing very slowly as I painfully listened to each relationship this person had had since he was 16.

The person opposite me had countless coffee dates so he was a bit of a pro when it came to this type of meeting, he had a captive audience besides how long can a cup of coffee last, I can tell you now it was the longest 20 minutes of my life! He couldn’t understand why no one wanted a 2nd date with him. I didn’t have the heart to tell him he was just dead boring!

Back to the internet I go, now savvier knowing you at least need to ask for a current photo on the net. Again I hear ping and run to the email, this is quiet exciting as you meet another person, looking for a connection.

More coffee is involved so be prepared to drink lots of this and be jittery either through caffeine overload or plain nervousness. This guy had promise and was exactly as he appeared on the net, conversation flowed coffee led to dinner I paid my own way didn’t know if I was supposed to do that but did it anyway.

As we moved on and got to know each other better (or thought I was getting to know him better) I met his teenage boys who were great and we were moving along to regular dating.

He started going away during the week with his work but it didn’t feel right something was wrong.  When he went away he needed to call me I was not to call him just in case he was at a meeting at night? I have since learn he was still on the internet dating and seeing other people and leading a double life which wasn’t honest. And shows you should always listen to your gut feeling.

I did go on a speed date which is pretty terrifying and something that I have never done before. What happens is that you meet people of the same age group as yourself.   At first the ladies are seat and a bell rings the men work from table to table every time the bell rings they need to move on.  You are with these people who are given only 5 minutes to get to know you ask you standard questions and then you have a score card that is not shown to anyone other than the organizer.  At the end of the session and all is agreeable the details are given to the person and then you go out for more coffee. Let’s just say dating after divorce can be very interesting!