Preparing to date again is one of the biggest dreads in a persons life is thinking about diving back into the dating pool once again, the mere thought of flirting fills you with dread or you are feeling still a little fragile after coming out of a recent break up that has left you a little emotionally scared. Taking all this into consideration recent studies have revealed that a good relationship can make you a better parent, make you more successful in your career, keep you happier and make you life longer. Given all of the facts of all of the positives it really makes sense to get back in the saddle again after you have fallen off!
The study on relationships goes on to say that when re-entering the dating arena again you are in a much stronger position even if your prior relationship ended bitterly you are armed with relationship skills and experience and a whole lot of information of what you know will and won’t work for you.
Look at what went wrong before preparing to date again:
First baby step you need to examine before you embark on something new, learn from your past mistakes and look deeper into what happened in your previous relationship. To do this though, you need to look deeper into not playing the blame game and pointing the finger of “she nagged me” or “he had an affair” and “he worked too much” although these are all symptoms of relationship issues but they are not the real reason why the relationship broke down. There are really only four reasons that affect a relationship that contribute to the breakup.
- Life circumstances
- The interaction between you and your partner
- You
- Your partner
Take this into consideration when you step back into the dating world knowing what you want. Look for chemistry.
Are you compatible?
There are two types of chemistry primal chemistry which you have little control over and psychological chemistry is the similar traits that we share with someone that we bring to the table every time you have have a discussion. We are more likely to have relationships with people who are similar to the way we are as people who are similar in terms of physical attractiveness, attitudes, values, education and intelligence.
Core Traits to Check:
- Physical energy this includes the amount of time spent from having your feet up to how ambitious and industrious to how often you have sex
- How open you are to trying new things and experiences
- Emotional temperament – this is defined by issues such whether you are positive or negative to new experiences that make you either feel excited or make you feel anxious. Are you a person that shuts down receiving information or one that is happy to discuss things to get a better understanding of the subject?
- Social style this is the way you interact with everyone and whether you are an introvert or extrovert. Extroverts are outgoing, talkative, energetic and assertive. While on the other hand introverts are normally quieter, are more reserved while having less enthusiasm and energy. If pushed they can be extroverted in a social gathering, but normally not happy or comfortable doing so.
Must Have Vital Attributes:
These attributes are something that you have learn from life experiences and not something that you are born with. To move forward you need to look for a partner with the following attributes which will help in future relationships.
- Values and beliefs – these are things like political views, spirituality or environment
- Backgrounds – whether it’s a hometown, work or a friend you have in common this all breeds common ground, which means you share assumptions and have to explain less.
- This is a biggie – Relationship skills such as conflict resolution and effective communication are not normally in your DNA it is something that you learn over time. If one partner is poor at managing conflict but the other is skilled the former can learn these traits from the latter. If both of you are poor at these skills the outlook is not all that good at all and perhaps if the relationship is to progress outside counseling sessions may help.
Preparing to date again is fine as long as you take the time to look within in to see positively what you can bring into a new relationship and what you could offer a new partner then you are ready to move forward and start dating again.
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